just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
