My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
