Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
