i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
