Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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