I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
time to smoke my breakfast
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
