Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
