Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
