the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
