I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
