Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
