roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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