Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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