im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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