bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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