I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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