Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
