Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
