We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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