Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
