If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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