She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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