the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
