youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
