You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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