There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
