So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
