NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
