I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
