your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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