I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
