That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
