yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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