I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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