I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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