he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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