last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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