I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
