i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
