I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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