I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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