I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
