no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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