If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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