I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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