we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your penis caused this!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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