Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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