this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
These tits shall not be calmed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
