We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
