So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
