it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
