Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
