Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
