Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
