The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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