She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
