how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
