God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
