By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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