I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
