Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
