hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
