I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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