trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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